Playing Games

Playing Games is a short story about a friend group on the brink of both achieving their dream of making it as professional gamers and also of collapse, on account of one night's bad decision making.

“Hours of grinding, practising and promoting. Thousands of dollars spent on equipment - and I still don’t think I really needed to upgrade my PC again. We don’t even use our stuff on the day. Not to mention, the over fifteen years of friendship. You have put all of that at risk. What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t. Neither of us were. Do you think a lot when you’re drunk?” Cam replied, his head buried in his hands. He had been sitting on the edge of the bed in my hotel room like that for the last thirty minutes. I had been berating him for the last ten to fifteen. It was lucky that he and I were on a different floor to Minnie and Vince.

Cam was submerged in guilt. He was miserable and he looked terrible. I hadn’t seen him this messed up since his older brother died.

I was struggling to find it in me to care at that moment. No, that wasn’t true. I cared a lot. I cared an extreme amount. I cared about the time and money I had wasted on our shared hobby-turned-profession. I cared about Cam and Minnie. I cared a hell of a lot about what their stupidity was going to do to Vince. We’d all been friends since middle school. In one night, they might have burned that to the ground.

“The semis are tomorrow night. What do we do?”

That was the crux of it. I knew what Cam was really asking. He was asking if they should tell Vince.

It was going to come out eventually. After our game the previous day, we went out for a few drinks. Vince and I had both decided to turn in relatively early. This was a day we were meant to spend resting and planning before the semi-finals. Not recovering from hangovers. Cam and Minnie had stayed out longer. Apparently longer than they had intended. Not the best excuse for cheating on your long time partner or fucking your friend and teammate’s girlfriend. 

They had to tell Vince. They owed him that. But if they told him now… the team would collapse on itself. I was sure of that much. Even if we came out of it with our relationships still holding together, we wouldn’t be in the headspace to win and head into the finals. Our teamwork would be shot. We’d lose. Years of effort would be wasted.

The fact Cam was trying to push the weight of that decision onto me only made me angrier. But, in a way, I was another victim here. Not to the extent of Vince. But it was my effort, friendships and future they had compromised too.

He wasn’t asking for my opinion out of concern for me, I wasn’t dumb enough to think his intentions were so noble. He just didn’t want to make the call himself. But, he was still giving me a chance here. If I told them to keep it quiet for just one more week and act normal - and they managed to hold it together - we had a real shot at victory. At the very least, all the work I’d put into this when I hadn’t even really intended to go pro to begin with wouldn’t have been wasted by their screw up. 

But, when Vince found out, I’d be complicit. I wouldn’t be the bystander caught up in their drama. I wouldn’t be a lesser victim. Not in his eyes. I’d be the guy who kept Cam and Minnie’s secret for my own benefit. One of the bad guys.

“Shit.” I sunk into the desk chair, leaning my head against the glass door to the balcony behind it and staring at the ceiling. The fight had been taken out of me and I just felt sick. I was still angry. Furious even. That they did that to Vince. That they were asking me to decide for them. That they had such monumentally bad timing.

I was angry at myself too - for not knowing the right answer. Or, truthfully, for knowing the right answer and not being able to immediately give it. But I had given so much of myself to our group ambition. I wasn’t sure I could let that go for morality that wasn’t going to make anyone feel any better. 

“Yeah,” Cam replied, his head still in his hands. He had hardly looked at me since he came into my room blubbering, still half-drunk and freaking out.

“You can’t hide it forever,” I said. “Minnie might have told him already.”

“She said she wouldn’t. Not yet. Not until I got your opinion. She’s better at keeping a straight face. He won’t know.”

He was probably right. It wasn’t so much that Minnie was an incredible liar. Vince just always assumed people were telling the truth. He was the optimistic sort and liked to believe people were mostly good. That only made the situation worse. He didn’t react well when he was proven wrong.

“What do we do?” Cam asked again.

“Fuck you,” I spat back. I wasn’t shouting anymore, but Cam still flinched like I was. “Fuck you and Minnie both for this. And fuck you twice for making it my problem.”

“I’m sorry, man. I just don’t know what to do. I know we shouldn’t have. We were drunk,” Cam pleaded.

“You’ve told me you were drunk five times now and it doesn’t make it better or me less angry. You’re already going to ruin Vince, that much is guaranteed. You have well and truly screwed the pooch on that one. But have you even considered the position you put me in by coming to me first? I’m a part of this now!”

I was yelling again by the end. I still felt sick. It rang hollow in my ears. Like I was putting on airs to shield myself from the decision I was going to have to make now. I wasn’t even sure how much of it was on Vince’s behalf anymore. 

“I’m sorry.” Cam sniffed, holding back tears. I didn’t really feel like he had any right to cry about anything. If he didn’t want to experience all of this, he should have kept it in his pants. 

“You should be,” I said. “And Minnie’s lucky she didn’t show up here with you because I have more than a few choice words for her too.”

I knew I still hadn’t answered the question. I was doing the same thing as Cam in a way. Where he was wallowing in self pity and trying to push the decision onto someone else, I was trying to lose myself in anger - just delaying the inevitable moment a choice had to be made.

For a moment, I wondered if I even had to make that choice. I considered remaining silent and pretending that I’d never heard anything. But that was no different than actively choosing to hide the truth from Vince at this point. Whether I made the choice to intentionally deceive Vince so that I could cling on to some chance of the team still pulling off the win or tried to just not acknowledge the problem, the fact was that I knew. Silence was damning.

Vince was going to be wrecked one way or the other. It was just a matter of if it came before or after the tournament. I could hardly expect Cam or Minnie to be on form now. Our chances weren’t what they were. But, we were better than the other team. We still had a chance to make the dream real. All we had to do was stay quiet and pretend this hadn’t happened; delay Vince’s heartbreak a week.

It was like I had swallowed a stone. There was a nauseating weight in my stomach. I could try to deny it as much as I wanted, but I had realised what I was going to say long before I said anything. I just didn’t want to admit to myself it was the case.

“Don’t tell him.”

The shock of hearing me say it made Cam’s head bolt upright, his eyes wide. He was a deer in the headlights. There was relief there, at someone else making the call. But there was horror too. He knew he was scum. He’d just thought I’d be better. So had I.

“You and Minnie ruined the team. We probably won’t make it through this. But the goal is still within reach. If Vince is going to be torn up either way, me might as well hold things together long enough for us all to achieve what we came here for. So you and Minnie better keep your shit together for this. The ship is going down in flames. You better make sure we make it to the destination before we drown.”

“Okay.”

“Now get out. I don’t think I can keep looking at you.”

As Cam got up and fled the crime scene, I couldn’t help but wonder; if I looked in a mirror at that moment, could I look at myself either?